Megan’s Body

So, time for some action here. Results were out today for seventh semester and as a consequence of my ongoing personal war against college and anything remotely related to it, I touched new lows in internal assessment. Anyways, leave that crap. All I needed was some escape after this fiasco. What better than my movies? They always come to my rescue. So I ended up on my bed with a pair of Baby’s hifi Sony earphones (they must be hifi as they cost 800 bucks. Who buys 800 bucks headphones in my surroundings other than my beloved Baby? And he is a guy mind you. And no I am not gay.) and my good old laptop. Since I needed an escape, the movie which I watched was not the usual Al Pacino/Robert De Niro/Martin Scorsese/Christopher Nolan stuff. This one was something else – Jennifer’s Body with my latest obsession Megan Fox as a demon.

Now, this movie is “different”. For a change it has a damn hot brunette and a nerdy, smart blonde. And they are the BFF (Best Friends Forever) since childhood. So, everybody around them wonders how they can be best friends. Then there is a Hook (remember Peter Pan?) like professor, a scene kid and a quiet guy who is the boyfriend of the blonde. The movie aims to be a horror/thriller. It ends up as a showcase to Megan Fox’s hot body much to my pleasure.

So this masterpiece opens with a shot of Megan on her bed. The cinematographer takes special care in focussing all the camera attention to her legs. The creep inside me is happy. Then the blonde takes over the scene and starts narrating which pisses me off. I mean who cares about her when Megan Fox is around in the same movie? Anyways, they live in a small town. Our blonde is a stable, level headed girl with an equally stable, level headed boyfriend while my beloved Megan is the nymphomaniac, adventurous bitch. I cannot elaborate much here. All that happens is that they go to some country bar where a new band is performing and a fire breaks out. They save themselves from this fire. Many people die and Megan hops off into a van with the band guys leaving behind her best friend wondering WTF maybe.

Later she returns as a Chelpark ink vomiting, blood soaked creature totally terrifying her friend. Man, that was scary. And from then on, she is the happiest person around while others mourn the deaths of their kin in the fire. This is not received well by the blonde. Meanwhile our sexy demon hits on the toughest guy around in the jungle and unzips her jacket. The sicko inside me gets ready for some action. But insted the guy becomes her snack. Gross? I enjoyed it. Reminded me of Saw. In due course of the movie, we see the scene kid and the blonde’s boyfriend sharing the same fate as the tough guy. He was nothing more than a Hollywood male version of Hindi film heroines of the 70s anyways (He shouts for help and our heroine comes to her rescue, the death scene is like a homage to Vijay dying in his Maa’s hands in Deewar.) The band hits bigtime following the disaster at the bar.

Later in the movie it is revealed that Megan was wrongfully offered as a virgin sacrifice in some occult hocus pocus thingy which the band performed to become successful. Since she was not a virgin (How stupid of the band guys in assuming this, I thought.), she came to acquire certain superhuman powers like self healing and appariting. And she needs human flesh to regain her energy. Hence her fondness for ripping apart guys.

Ultimately in the typical Hollywood manner, the best friend kills her after snatching the BFF locket from her neck (Now, that is so Bollywood.) Since no one would believe this story, she is sent to an asylum where unknowest to others she realizes she has super powers (the vampire effect because she was bitten by Megan). She runs away in a horny old man’s car and finishes off the band.

Meanwhile in the whole 100 minutes of the movie we are fed images of Megan Fox and all her body parts as well as lots of sex. Megan hitting on different guys and kissing them passionately before killing them, Megan in various states of undress, a hot lesbian type kiss between the best friends and a LOL scene where the blonde is having sex with her boyfriend and she starts hallucinating about blood dripping off the ceiling. She shouts in terror and the boyfriend thinks he is some superman. “Am I big?”, he asks. Figure out yourself the absurdity. The film also has a Sardarji named Ahmet and the girls wonder whether or not he is circumcised. Talk about movie research. Again WTF! And oh yes, the poor Sardarji also becomes Megan’s snack after saving himself from the fire, and the unlucky bastard doesn’t even get to kiss her. So all the Indians against any form of discrimination, here is your chance. Protest and make it to the national news.

Whatever this crap was, it provided me a solid 100 minutes of pleasure in the form of Megan Fox. So much so, that I don’t even remember other characters’ names. Seems like the makers had only her or maybe her body parts in their minds instead of story, plot and characterization. I am a true fan of her’s since the Transformers with a collection of over 500 wallpapers. And so the movie appealed to my baser instincts and I sat through all this crap. What else can I say? Adios.

Advertisements

One Response

  1. Men will be men…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: